Scripts

Voices:
Narrator: BennY/BennY's Bro
Noob Medic: Midg3y
(People in Noob medic)
Soldier: Thermal
Engy: BennY
(People in Law and Order part)
Soldier: BennY
Demoman: Thermal
Medic: Thermal

*There is a logo appearing on the screen saying "Law and Order: SandVich Unit".
Narrator: In the Criminal Justice System, lunch box based based offenses are regarded as the most delicious of crimes.
*Shot of the Heavy watching Tv*
Narrator: These cases are handled by an elite group of people known as the SandVich Unit.
*Back to logo*
Narrator: These are thier stories.
*text at the bottom of the screen saying:
Middle Capture Point
cp_well
Time: 7:30 am*
(Insert Noob medic here...we already filmed it so i dont think i have to write it down D:)
*More text and bottom of the screen*
Middle Capture Point
cp_well
Time: 3:30 pm
*A soldier and demoman are looking at the corpse of an engineer and sniper where they were killed in the noob medic*
Soldier: So, what have we got?
Demoman: It looks like a classic case of a spy. An engineer, medic, soldier, and sniper are all dead.
*In comes a Medic*
Medic: It looks like it's more complicated then that, we checked the control point, there are RED bodies in there as well
Soldier: Could it be the work of...
Demoman: a double agent!
Medic: It gets worse. I checked the bodies of the engineer and sniper, theres BLU syringe gun and ubersaw residue on them
Soldier: What kind of sick spy is this...
(Insert Law And Order theme song parody here. This will serve as the opening credits.)
*The Heavy is on the couch, watching the end of the theme song*
Heavy: Let's see what else is on...
*TV Fuzz thing*

Classes Used: 2 BLU Medics (Voiced by BennY and Thermal)
1 RED Medic.(Voiced by Midg3y)

*The medics are healing people as they fight on the first cap of dustbowl 2, not doing anything but talking*
BLU Medic: Why do you use the kritzkrieg, Jake, because you know, it's shit.
Red Medic: BECUZ YOU CAN BLOW SHIT UP WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111
BLU Medic #2: Yeah, when your ubering someone whos not a spy.
*Laughter*
Red Medic: ITS BETTER THEN ANYTHING YOU CAN UBER!
BLU Medic #1: Yeah, at least he's not helping the enemy infiltrate our defenses
*More of a "OHHH SHIT HE GOT BURNT" noise from the audience, then applause*
(Insert "Two and a Half Men theme song here, replacing the word "Men" with "Med"

Classes Used:
Medic (Voiced by Thermal)
Scout
Pyro
Demoman
Soldier
Heavy(Voiced by BennY when necessary)

*The Pyro, Demoman, Soldier, Medic and Heavy respawn in the respawn room at the same time*
Announcer: PREPARE TO CAPTURE THE ENEMY'S INTELLIGENCE
*Everyone runs out, starting with the Pyro, then the Demoman, then the Soldier, then the Medic (who is healing someone)
Text: 30 seconds later
*The Medic goes to heal someone else as the Heavy walks out the door*
*The heavy makes his way to the intel room, which, to his surprise, is empty*
Announcer: VICTORY!!!!11
*The heavy sheds a tear*
*The medic and the heavy are standing together in the respawn room*
Heavy: Doctor, I need help with my weight problem
Medic: Don't worry, you've come to the right lyposuction place, my medigun also doubles as a vaccum!
Heavy: But doctor, don't you...
*Shot of outside the respawn room*
Heavy: *Insert whining noises here*
*Shot of the scout*
(For those of you who are confused, the Heavy has lost so much weight he has become the scout)
*The scout runs through 2fort, outrunning his own team and enemies, as he caps the intel*
*The scout sees Sasha, and smiles gleefully. As he goes near it, the screen turns black, and you can hear the Heavy struggling, until he goes "OHHH NO!!!!!!" and a single gunshot can be heard*
*Spiralling shot of the scout dead on the floor with a pistol in his hand made with gmod *

Classes Used –
The Engineer (with Batman Skin) aka. Batgy(BennY)
The Scout (with Robin Skin) aka. Robscout(Thermal)
The Sniper (with Joker Skin) aka. Joper(Benny)
The Heavy (with Bane Skin) aka. Hane
The Pyro (with a Skull Skin who plays the Joker’s henchmen)
The Spy (with Riddler Skin) aka. Riddling Spy (Thermal)

Map Used –
2fort

[The sketch starts off with the campy series thing when the Batman logo spins around forward and back and the intro]

[Engineer and Scout walks through the basement of BLU base when all of a sudden a massive explosion happens upstairs. They run up to the battlements to review the Sniper, Heavy and 2 Pyros on the top of the bridge]

Engineer – It’s Hane, Joper and his henchmen!

Scout – Holy Bonk Batgy!

Sniper – MUHHAHA Batgy do you think you could beat us when we outnumber you!

Engineer – Not to what I think off!

[Engineer and Scout jump onto the bridge, the landing is off screen]

[Engineer whack one of henchmen, the screen switches to one of the “POWS” “SMACK” thing used in the campy Batman series when someone hits someone]

[Pyro hits the Scout]

[Scout hits the Sniper]

[Sniper tries to hit Scout but hits and knocked one of his henchmen into the water]

[Engineer hit Pyro]

[Pyro hit Engineer]
[Heavy hits Scout]

[Engineer knocks Pyro into water]

[Scout hits Sniper]

[Engineer knocks Sniper into the water]

[Heavy tries to hit Engineer but missed]

[Engineer hit Heavy]

[Scout hit Heavy]

[Heavy knocks Scout into water]

[Engineer knocks Heavy into water]

Engineer = That’s right you guys got pwned!

Voice – Riddle me this, riddle me that

[Shows Spy holding revolver on battlements]

Engineer – The Riddling Spy!

Spy – Riddle me this Batgy. What’s yellow and go-, actually I’m just going to shoot you

[Screen goes to black]

Engineer – God dammit

[Revolver shot fired]

Medic: Thermal
Spy: BennY
A Spy and Medic are looking at a gibbed corpse of a sniper
Medic: The sniper was kept alive until he died, our perp probably was a sadist who wanted to torture him. Poor thing.
Spy: Well I guess you could say *Takes out knife*
...He was scared to bits.

YEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

THE MEDIC (Benny) AND HEAVY ARE ON BLU

Scene 1 : cp_well

A Soldier, Medic and Heavy are cruising through the middle cp, and they come across a corridor
Heavy: You go through, and take cover so your safe\
Medic: Nah, its okay, you can go through first
Heavy: No, no I insist
Medic: *In a serious tone* Heavy, go through the door.
Soldier: Maybe you guys should..
Medic: STAY OUT OF THIS
Heavy: Don’t talk to my friend like that!
Medic: Well why don’t you…
Red team come in and rape the hell out of the Heavy and Medic, while the soldier runs away.

Classes Used -
Heavy(Thermal)
Sniper (BennY's bro)
SandVich with skins from here.

http://www.fpsbanana.com/skincats/3620

Map -
Anything with something that looks like a kitchen

Narrator: We're now back to Sniper's Kitchen Nightmares.

Sniper: Whip me up one of your meals.

[Heavy runs off screen for 10 seconds]

Sniper: Bloody hell what a fat *beep* (says this during 10 seconds)

[Heavy runs back with sandvich in his hand]

Sniper: What the bloody hell is this? This is *beep*ing horrible! I mean look at it! It's revolting!

[Switches to an interview with the Heavy]

Heavy: I don't know why he thinks its disgusting, I thought it was great.

Sniper: Go back to the *beep*ing kitchen and cook something that looks decent!

[Heavy runs off screen for another 10 seconds]

Sniper: God, I don't think this guy could actually make anything.

[Heavy runs back with toasted snadvich in his hand]

Sniper: What the *beep* is this. This is just that *beep*ing sandvich only *beep*ing toasty. What the *beep* man. You don't *beep*ing cook don't you. You just get one of them *beep*ing fast food all the time.

Heavy: That is true.

Sniper: Go and make me something that isn't a sandvich!

[Heavy runs off screen for 10 seconds]

Sniper: What is he going to do next? *beep*ing get something from a store or something? I have no *beep*ing clue. (during the 10 seconds)

[Heavy runs back with a doughnut]

Sniper: What the *beep*! You just *beep*ing got this from the *beep*ing doughnut store from across the street!

[Cuts to interview with Heavy]

Heavy: I don't know why he is saying that. I didn't get that from the store, I just picked it from the ground.

Sniper: *beep* me. Just cook something of your own.

[Heavy runs off screen]

[Screen fades to black saying "3 hours later"

Heavy: I'm back.

Sniper: About *beep*ing time you fat *beep*. What have you been *beep*ing doing during that time.

Heavy: I made a cake, took me 10 minutes to make, I ate everything except this one piece in 5 minutes, then I fell asleep for 2 hours and 45 minutes.

Sniper: *beep* me, you know what, looks like you're *beep*ed.

Classes Used -
Spy (BennY)
Sniper ( Thermal)
Heavy
Narrator voiced by BennY's brother.
Maps Used -
2fort
Dustbowl



[Scene begins with Crab Spies coming around a corner in the 2fort sewers]

Narrator: The Crab Spy, is a rather unique and marvelous creature. One of its amazing things that separate it from other animals of the Team Fortress wildlife is that it can survive in pretty much any conditions. It can survive from the wet, damp sewers of 2fort...

[Cuts to Crab Spies walking around in Dustbowl]

Narrator: To the hazardous, hot and unforgiving desert of Dustbowl.

[Cuts to an Sniper looking through the scope on a Crab Spy as if he was filming it]

Narrator: The Crab Spy may seem to be a gentle creature but it can be rather, how would I put it, aggressive. Yes, it can be dangerous when disturbed. They can get rather angry easily.

[Crab Spy looks at Sniper]

Spy: What are you looking at?!

[Spy walks up to Sniper, Sniper unscopes]

Sniper: Ahh! Its poisoning me!

[Sniper dies]

[Cuts to Crab Spy stalking a Heavy]

Narrator: Christ, that's the third cameraman this week! Any who, the Crab Spy can sting you with its dangerous poison. They stalk their prey and when they stop for one small moment...

[Crab Spy kills Heavy]

Narrator: It kills the prey. A rather astonishing creature, the Crab Spy.